My hands are shaking as I step onto the bus and hand the driver my money. My face gives nothing away, but my stomach is clenched and mouth dry.
“Am I ready? I don’t want to go back to the ‘real world’. I don’t want this to end.”
The world moves so fast.
Have I really never noticed this before?
We pass pilgrims walking in the opposite direction; backpacks strapped on tight and faces full of resolution, wonder, joy, pain.
I recognise the emotions I have worn on my own face for the past month and long to be amongst these wayfarers again.
Letting go has never been a strength of mine.
Look at the trees whip past!
I can’t make out the moss growing up their sides, the smell of dew on pine needles, or hear birds flittering from branch to branch.
The world moves so fast.
I was going to catch an earlier bus back to Santiago, but opted instead to bask in the sunrise once more: wandering along the beach, climbing rocks and collecting shells. I saw the sun peek out up over mountains and through clouds, washed my toes in the Atlantic Ocean and waved at fishermen in their tinny.
I’m glad I took my time.
Ground level seems so much friendlier. More familiar. More comfortable.
That is where I want to live: engaging with the earth, with people.
* * *
We’re here already?
In an hour and a half? That took me three days to walk. Maybe buses aren’t too bad.
I guess it gives me more time on each end to live every day to the fullest – if I choose to. It’s still a choice. It’s always a choice.
* * *
I check in to an albergue, feeling a fraud. My pilgrimage has finished.
* * *
These velcro sandals have really had it – I should get new shoes. Tourist shoes.
Shopping centres, wow.
I may not feel a pilgrim, but according to the side glances I keep catching I still look like one. How did I used to work in retail? These bright lights and loud music are an affront to my senses; the racks and racks of unnecessary clothes are spinning me out.
I wander around like a lost sheep – walking through the same few shops three, four times over, trying to find something to change into to help me transition back into reality. Living with two singlets and a dress is so much easier.
The shop assistants must think I’m high or on something; I do feel in a daze.
I find two simple shift dresses that will make a nice segue from walker to sightseer, and some unassuming sneakers. Even invest in mascara, just for the reminder of what make-up feels like.
I can do this.
But I don’t have to race along with it.
Maybe it’s more a matter of perspective, like I have been learning in so many different ways.
Rivers flow swiftly, but for the fish that glides along with the current, it’s not a fight – it’s a push that carries them forward.
And I’ve got Jesus on my side.
I can do this.
You got this babe!
Today is the first day of your next adventure!
Albeit a little different – everyday is another page in your story of life! And your book is going to be AMAZEBALLS!!!!
Love you!
😘😘😘
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Yes you can ❤️
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Go to sleep! 😉
Love you loads.
So glad to talk today, thank you.
😘❤️
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