My hands are shaking as I step onto the bus and hand the driver my money. My face gives nothing away, but my stomach is clenched and mouth dry.

“Am I ready? I don’t want to go back to the ‘real world’. I don’t want this to end.”

The world moves so fast.

Have I really never noticed this before?

We pass pilgrims walking in the opposite direction; backpacks strapped on tight and faces full of resolution, wonder, joy, pain.

I recognise the emotions I have worn on my own face for the past month and long to be amongst these wayfarers again.

Letting go has never been a strength of mine.

Look at the trees whip past!

I can’t make out the moss growing up their sides, the smell of dew on pine needles, or hear birds flittering from branch to branch.

The world moves so fast.

I was going to catch an earlier bus back to Santiago, but opted instead to bask in the sunrise once more: wandering along the beach, climbing rocks and collecting shells. I saw the sun peek out up over mountains and through clouds, washed my toes in the Atlantic Ocean and waved at fishermen in their tinny.

I’m glad I took my time.

Ground level seems so much friendlier. More familiar. More comfortable.

That is where I want to live: engaging with the earth, with people.

* * *

We’re here already?

In an hour and a half? That took me three days to walk. Maybe buses aren’t too bad.

I guess it gives me more time on each end to live every day to the fullest – if I choose to. It’s still a choice. It’s always a choice.

* * *

I check in to an albergue, feeling a fraud. My pilgrimage has finished.

* * *

These velcro sandals have really had it – I should get new shoes. Tourist shoes.

Shopping centres, wow.

I may not feel a pilgrim, but according to the side glances I keep catching I still look like one. How did I used to work in retail? These bright lights and loud music are an affront to my senses; the racks and racks of unnecessary clothes are spinning me out.

I wander around like a lost sheep – walking through the same few shops three, four times over, trying to find something to change into to help me transition back into reality. Living with two singlets and a dress is so much easier.

The shop assistants must think I’m high or on something; I do feel in a daze.

I find two simple shift dresses that will make a nice segue from walker to sightseer, and some unassuming sneakers. Even invest in mascara, just for the reminder of what make-up feels like.

I can do this.

The world is fast, yes.

But I don’t have to race along with it.

Maybe it’s more a matter of perspective, like I have been learning in so many different ways.

Rivers flow swiftly, but for the fish that glides along with the current, it’s not a fight – it’s a push that carries them forward.

And I’ve got Jesus on my side.

I can do this.